Leaving a Nasty Legacy
Posted by: theunseenside on: May 22, 2010
*image belongs to inquister.com
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I’m The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”
Legacy: Something handed down from an ancestor or a predecessor or from the past
Part 1 (A long post/short story)
Imagine having instant gratification back in the day when getting revenge as opposed to the drawn out process of revenge by gossip-spreading or meeting after school for a brawl. I grew up during the times when revenge meant boys fought after school and girls would start a rumor at 9 a.m. and the entire high school would know by lunch time. Occasionally, the “wild girls” would fight each other and were, at times, more vicious than the boys. I wasn’t one of those wild girls but I did get in a fight in the 9th grade. It was my first and last fight.
I’d had all I could take of this girl’s torment after six weeks of sending vicious rumors around school. Torment is too kind of a word to describe it because she sent rumor after humiliating rumor around the school. To this day, I don’t know why. I wish I did because it has bothered me all these years how someone would do that to a person who hadn’t done anything to deserve it. We didn’t even know each other. One day, between classes, a friend of mine told me what I’d heard numerous times before; the girl in my next class was the one who’d been spreading the rumors. Of course, I’m angry but I’d always been told “ignore it and it will go away.” But it wasn’t going away; it was getting worse. At that point, the rumors had been going on for about six weeks and I was humiliated, embarrassed and I hated going to school anymore.
Jokingly, I blame the fight on my algebra teacher because he was late for class. Had he shown up on time, I wouldn’t have sat there…getting angrier by the second; minute after minute, until BAM! I don’t know why but I decided it was a good time to test my fighting skills that no one had bothered to teach me! Well, either I was lucky or she was weak because I kicked that girl’s ass! Truth be told, I was shocked I’d actually won! We both had our friends standing up for us, egging it on by saying the other was deserving of what each got. She had to walk around the rest of the day holding her button-up shirt together because I’d somehow pulled the buttons off. Not to mention her black eye she wore for about a week. And let me tell you, I was horrified that she was going to retaliate and my luck would run out. Then I’d be the one with the black eye. It never happened, thank the Lord. As stupid as it sounds, I have always felt guilty for embarrassing her in front of the class. The rumors did become less frequent but didn’t stop all-together for awhile. It was a stupid, spur of the second decision that I have always regretted because I knew exactly how humiliated she felt. After all, she’d been humiliating me for weeks. Two wrongs will never add up to one right.
Today, things are so much easier. If I chose to, I could just sit here on my bed and with the click of the mouse destroy someone’s life. No need for that old-fashioned stuff of fighting and only leaving a bruise! With the internet, I can ruin someone for life in a fraction of a second! As Dr. Laura said on her website “In some ways, damaging someone’s reputation is akin to murdering them, as their reputation is devastated world-wide and forever.” I don’t believe I could look myself in the mirror if I knew I was leaving a lie-filled legacy for someone’s children and grandchildren to see, for years to come. I can’t imagine my grandchildren looking up grandma for kicks on Google and coming across the words “whore” or “douche bag” during their search. Gramma, what does douche bag mean? You didn’t tell me you were one. That’s a cruel thing to do to someone. Would you want that kind of legacy for your grandchildren to see? I pray to God I never have to deal with that day.
Sometimes not only the victim has to pay the price. In 2006, a Florida woman named Sue Scheff won $11.3 million in a lawsuit as a result of libelous and slanderous statements against her online. In a WSJ article wrote by Jacquelyn Eschbach, Sue Scheff said “Until you go through a vengeful attack on your good name, service or business, you have no idea what a Google bomb can do to you.” Ms. Scheff said that there were horrific statements about her found when doing a search of her name. I can’t blame her one bit for suing. I can honestly say if someone ever went to those lengths because they didn’t like me or wanted revenge, I would take every step necessary to make sure that person regretted the day they typed my name on their computer. Who would want to leave that legacy for their kids? It’s such a cowardly act and when things have reached that level of viciousness and cruelty, something must be done.
Why are the vile, despicable words said to others just accepted as if they were saying “good morning?” It’s in front of our eyes and in some cases, in front of children’s eyes. What about standing up for others when it’s the right thing to do? What about standing up for morals and values, and basic human decency? Why is it accepted and swept under the rug? Maybe some don’t want to feel left out or don’t want to anger someone by pointing out their lack of morals. Maybe they just don’t want to get involved. Some may even fear being attacked if they do stand up for what’s fair. Some turn their backs and pretend it’s not even there or start talking about their rights under the first amendment. Something tells me our founding fathers would have never agreed to allow someone to be mercilessly attacked, day after day. They never could have imagined the internet when the constitution was written. If we don’t make it safe for people now, then our children and grandchildren will inherit the idea that this kind of treatment is normal and should just be accepted. It’s not.
So, what do you think your legacy will be? Will you be a victim of the internet or will you be remembered for your basic decency and honesty by not allowing this to continue? If we do nothing, then we are part of the problem. Continuing a relationship with someone who disrespects the rights of others makes you part of the problem, as well. You are feeding this person’s distorted ideas and telling them you agree and support their cruel acts. Ending your relationship will send a message that you will not stand for their lack of human decency any longer.
Is that your legacy? Or will your legacy be that of a coward? Too afraid to stand up for what’s right and fair?
I leave you with the short version of First They Came, attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller:
“THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.
THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.
THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
THEN THEY CAME for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up.”
Links to information found in this post:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703300504574567711684786166.html
http://www.drlaurablog.com/category/bullying/
http://www.inquisitr.com/50218/webtribution-on-the-rise-as-vengeance-becomes-easier-than-ever/
http://www.switched.com/2009/12/02/webtribution-makes-revenge-painful-tangible-and-a-group-acti/
http://voices.allthingsd.com/20091201/the-dark-side-of-webtribution/
33 Responses to "Leaving a Nasty Legacy"
May 23, 2010 at 5:45 pm
In only 9 days, a lot of false info is out there so before it gets too far gone, I tried to clear up the one’s I’ve seen. I shouldn’t be shocked but I am! I think maybe people are just reading too much into things…I dunno!
Here is a post and if you know of anything else, please let me know.
http://theunseenside.wordpress.com/2010/05/23/taking-out-the-trash/
I hope everyone had a great weekend!
Abby
May 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm
SAY WHAT?
May 23, 2010 at 6:24 pm
“that crustycrotchitis sounds awful. Maybe someone should whip up a batch of granny’s lye soap. That’ll fix up those snappers quite nicely from what I read. I think it was in an old edition of Sam’s Almanac. They titled it Crusty Snapper Soap. The only ones who can catch it are all in the thread of hers that is protected. It must be pretty rank in that thread because the old gals had to come out for some fresh air.”
Only you and your higher power are aware of the real you but I think this is pretty cruel–no matter what the circumstances. It’s linked back to the blog owner so I will not be putting the link here. That’s a legacy that person has to leave to their children, grandchildren, etc. because I’m sure they’ve never said that about themsellves. Even though I tried to find it on your blog (its apparently deleted) its out there for all to see for God only knows how long. I found it on Google in 45 seconds. It’s front page when searching!
hatcat..
Since I deleted the original comment that was here, we look like dumbos out here answering nothing and talking to no one. hahaha
May 23, 2010 at 1:54 pm
My apologies for not being able to make it online but as some of you know, I’ve been dealing with a medical issue w/ a family member and then a few things came up out of my control.
I prefer to answer most posts personally and am currently working on doing so and I thank everyone for the comments. If your post is not here, I will be replying and approving it before the end of today (Sunday) with a response.
And yes, I will check spam as someone pointed out! Thank you for understanding how life sometimes happens offline 
Abby
p.s. PLEASE do not leave any comments here trashing another person. I sure do not want to play referee between two people I don’t even know. I’m sure if you were running (trying) a blog, you wouldn’t want people doing it. However, I would encourage you to start your own blog because you write very well!
I’m working on it!!
May 23, 2010 at 4:49 am
Didn’t Dave call you a slut in a fit of anger?
May 23, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Yes, he did (edit) but has since apologized for it. Also, you might want to check out my response to “curiouser” below.
May 22, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Perhaps you should forward this to Mr Knechel to read.
May 23, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Hi Curious,
(EDIT) I just now saw where other’s emails and IP were shared on a public forum. No one can say I didn’t try to give benefit of the dount, at least. I did. As with most others, I didn’t notice the emails or IPs being made public when the entry was posted. That didn’t take long, huh? Like I’ve said since day 1 of this blog, even if it makes me look bad, I’ll always state the truth. The truth is I look like a damn fool but again, I tried and stuck to my word.
(END EDIT)
MD did say the other day that he would refrain from using vulgar name-calling in the future. I’m not sure of the exact day that he said it but it was several days after the whole “incident” and the apology from him happened. I admit that for the past two-three days I have been unable to keep up with the online world but I hope to start catching up today at all the sites I visit regularly.
He also told me that he made a post with an apology to SirJeff for what happened, although someone has told me they never saw the post. I don’t know but if it was not posted, then I do believe Sirjeff is owed one. That RSO thing will follow SJ for the rest of his live and that is something horrible to have to live with. As for the name-calling, only the future will tell and I am giving him that opportunity to prove himself. I DO believe something should be learned about having exposed an innocent person’s name to slander and all this mess. Again, we will see. I have a lot of catching up to do!
Good to see you again!
Abby
Abby, you were not the first and you certainly won’t be the last. Don’t feel foolish, it has happened to plenty of us. For me the last straw was the RSO insult done to an innocent man. But you live and learn.
May 23, 2010 at 7:34 pm
Well, I thought maybe he’d stick to no more dirty tactics or name-calling but I told him and I’ve said several times here that there will never ‘begin‘ to be peace unless he apologizes. A lot of people deserve an apology for what’s been done to them but more so SirJeff. But, he told me he put up a post with an apology to SirJeff but I’ve heard that that never happened.
May 22, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Pl’s check your spam files and moderation files.
May 23, 2010 at 2:17 pm
My apologies as the outside world has kept me tied up for awhile but I’m currently working on it. I’m thinking I need another mod!
Abby
May 22, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Hi Abby,
I floated over to your site from a link posted at The JBMission. I rarely comment, but I like to read at the different sites. I have to admit that at first I thought many of the snarky comments at some sites were amusing, until I saw the headless chicken website. Even I knew who created it and I was floored that someone would stoop so low. I’ve watched the antics for some time now and I really can’t imagine how blind some bloggers can be regarding the rudeness and threats of exposure of personal information. Beats me how these people can be “among us”. Anyhooo, I live approximately 3 miles from Hopespring drive and I have yet to drive over there to gawk or check out the “woods”. Said blogger, who is hard up for gas, lives about 12 miles from the Orange County Courthouse and between 18-20 miles from the A’s place. At most it would take about 2 gallons of gas round trip, so a $50 buck donation will keep that little car running for over a month.
I also understand some losers live at home with their parents and I have some concerns for themother. I wonder if anyone has seen her lately or if she is aware of the language used in regards to women? It’s a shame.
Also, fyi, if you go to http://www.wordle.com, it’s a free (safe) website where you can create your own word jumble image.
I have enjoyed reading your posts. You actually make sense in a chaotic blogdom.
May 23, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Hi SisterBlister…cool nic. How did you come up with that? lol
I have approved your post but I can’t reply right this min. I will be back soon and then erase this and put a REAL reply in it’s place. Thank you so much for the info and you cna bet I will start using it from here on out!
Abby
May 23, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Sister Blister is an Alanis Morissette song from the ’90s, I think. I liked the song and the catchy title. LOL
May 23, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Great post, sister.
May 23, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Thanks HatCat, I enjoy reading your comments at various sites as well 
Sister,
I’ve thought about your post and tried to imagine if any of my personal info ever made it online how I’d feel. I think I would feel violated and (for lack of a better word) naked in front of the world.
Suppose my address has been leaked online, a whacko reads it, and a robber or rapist shows up? It could happen because it has been done before. We all have the mentality that it won’t happen to us but I’m sure those who’d given their address to that Craigslist Killer never thought it would happen to them, either.
It’s a different world than it used to be. Although horrible things happened back then as well, the internet is a new way for freaks to have info. Even emails can be used to figure out who SOME people are-but not most. However, some do have their names connected to their email addy. Mine so happens to be fake but there is a name attached to it.
Right now, I doubt there’s much money going into that pot but if more people start reading there again, there could be. I think he lost most readers by putting it up in the first place. But as I said in a previous posting: at least people can make a choice based on his honesty about the situation and apparently, their decision was to leave his site. I think it was the way it come about that turned people, and his readers, off (lies) because its not like some other sites don’t successfully do it. But all that IMO.
I think if I were as close as you to the A’s, I might be curious and go for a peek in he wee hours of the morning when most are asleep. But it is ‘just a house’ and I’d realize the stupidity of driving by to just look at a plain ‘ole house and talk myself out of it! They don’t need any more attention than they’ve already received, IMO. Unless it is in regards to justice for an innocent baby, murdered by her mother.
I have heard his mother is a very nice lady so I’d think she’s be quite upset at some of the words he’s used. Most moms would be, IMO.
I’m going to end here or I’ll just go on forever! Now you can see how easily I can write a long-winded post–check out my responses! lol
Abby
May 24, 2010 at 10:50 am
Thanks Abby. I don’t mind reading your posts because they are very thoughtful. Back in the beginning, when Caylee was missing and the story erupted in the media, people were camped out on the A’s doorstep 24/7. The news media covered the whole situation and there was a developing mob mentality with name calling, and several instances that almost deteriated into violence. For me, it was really hard to stomach a situation so out of control. The other neighbors could hardly get in or out of their driveways to go to work and it was impossible for them to come home after work with cars and people lining the streets. Plus, with the news media camped out there, the locals all got a blow by blow description in the news each night. The wooded area where Caylees body was found looks like any other wooded area and holds no fascination for me. I’ve seen plenty of wet, marshy swampland…I could sell ya some if your interested? LOL
Anyhooo, sometimes out of bad things, good things come…you have a nice blog, some very interesting and friendly blog buddies, and you are a very interesting and thoughtful writer. Best wishes for your Aunt’s speedy recovery and don’t worry about being tied down to the blog 24/7. People inherently understand how life just happens.
May 22, 2010 at 12:49 pm
(Edit from Abby: I hesitated approving this comment because it is directed at another commenter but it is very obvious this person is quite upset and needing some answers. I’ve thought about it off/on all day and then remembered what another commenter told me about a week ago: they were fearful of commenting on blogs because of someone having their IP. So here it is, this one time, because I think it deserves the answers you seek. END EDIT)
deedee can you honestly answer JUST ONE question? Cause that’s what it all boils down to. You refuse to answer and if you only would be honest it might be the first step in building a better relationship. It’s not a hard question.
Why is it wrong to call people names like Bozo and Spindy but it’s not wrong to call people names like pig’s swill, dog’s vomit? Please tell me. It’s what we all want to know but you will never answer.
And if you do answer that question can you also answer this one? Which behavior is most acceptable? Saying somebody has bad breath? Or posting damaging and false evidence for example, a registered sex offenders information with an innocent person’s name?
I think those are pretty straight forward questions and until you can answer them don’t bother saying you’re worried about being attacked. That’s not true is it? You are worried about honestly answering a couple of very easy questions. The floor is yours Deedee. Put your money where your mouth is and please tell us how you feel about both of those true events.
May 24, 2010 at 10:18 am
Biggest apologies, Really?, for not having seen your post!
I refuse to answer? I’ve never been asked this of anyone. Well, maybe I have and didn’t see the question posed since I rarely finish reading comment lines anymore because of the snarky comments/insults toward fellow commentors.
First of all, I don’t think its right to call anyone names. Being labeled a sex offender when its a vicious false accusation will always be the worst of the two. What makes you think I ever approved of such a thing done by MD? If you are such a follower of me you would notice I have not approved and I have rarely commented at MD’s blog as I once did prior to that nasty incident. The comment lines are taking a downhill slide now with language and insults and hypocrisies. I haven’t the time for that. But, MD does write the most informative commentary on the Anthony case, which is what I want to read, antics by any blogger who writes well on the case aside. MD has said he has done things that he now regrets so why should I be unforgiving of that stunt? I don’t believe its anything that will stick with sirjef. I have researched the antics of those who go against sex offenders and, believe me, a blog is not where they get their info! Add to that, sirjef, himself, has asked that everyone move along from this incident and get back to discussing this case! He is an upstanding guy to me for saying that.
Let me address some of your false assumptions:
You say~
“Please tell me. It’s what we all want to know but you will never answer.”
Who is the “we all” who wants to know? Since I never knew these questions were “out there” how is it I am to answer them? But I will “never answer”??? Huh? What makes you such an expert on me to make that assumption? Perhaps you should have come to my site and asked your questions. I would have answered straight away. This is a new site for me to read so unless I check the box for follow-up comments, which I tend to forget to do, I’m not able to see these questions. You have made a false accusation on this! Seems to me that I have answered you, btw.
You say~
“I think those are pretty straight forward questions and until you can answer them don’t bother saying you’re worried about being attacked. That’s not true is it? You are worried about honestly answering a couple of very easy questions. The floor is yours Deedee. Put your money where your mouth is and please tell us how you feel about both of those true events.”
You are right, these are straight-forward questions and I have willingly answered them now that I see they have been asked. And I didn’t worry a bit about my answers or even about answering them! Now, when have I ever said I was “worried” about being attacked? I’ve said the opposite. I’ve said this for years since I have a narcissistic brother who has spread rumors about me for years. I let God handle it and I have seen my brother pay for his remarks. He is no longer believed because he has gone off the deep end with the insults and as shown himself to be a liar. I believe the same will happen to all of my insultors so I don’t get all “worried” about what is said. My reputation was given to God ages ago. He has always done right by me.
Now, I don’t eat money, too germy and I am no longer a toddler who must taste everything in my hand. Had you, or anyone, been at my site asking these questions in a decent manner, I would have answered a long time ago. Shame on you for coming to this blog to try to discredit me by making false accusations and presumptions. You “really?” don’t know me. What you believe is that, because I comment at Dave’s, that I am in lock-step with everything he says and does. You are very wrong on that! I call them as I see them with him and anybody.
On something you haven’t, surprisingly, addressed~
As for this headless chicken website-disgusting! I may not get along with Ina but she does not deserve such filthy nastiness. What she deserves is to just be ignored if one cannot decently reason with her.
Nevertheless, Caylee’s friend, have a great day!
May 22, 2010 at 11:15 am
In today’s world kids go onto social networks and destroy each other even to the point of causing suicides.
For adults there are forums, blogs and chats. Topix is famous for dragging down people and what is said stays there for years to come. Using Topix as an example, there have been people who just go there to cause problems. Some call them Trolls but they are just people with no life who chose to disrupt where ever they can.
They get to know the people chatting then attack. They save personal information and post it, use it for how ever they can to discredit a person. This is why you parents must monitor what your kids do online.
If you put yourself out there, expect to be attacked at some point. I suggest to anyone to stay off Topix as it is un-regulated and can get very nasty
May 23, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Hi Sillyme…I couldn’t agree with you more about topix. I don’t even go there anymore because a lot of things said there are either lies or trying to trash people that most have never heard of. That tells me that the only reason the post is there about so-n-so-stranger, is the poster wants to spread something around about that person.
What’s taking place in some instances in nothing more than emotional abuse. People don’t tolerate it real life so I don’t understand why it’s so accepted online. It makes no sense to me.
Abby
May 22, 2010 at 10:43 am
Amazing and well written thank you.
I have never tried to be rude to any one online.
I have tried to take up for some of my online friends but not in anger or retalliation.
After this I will try and make sure I never assasinate any one’s character and watch my word’s because you have reminded me how words can hurt and make someone’s life hell.
May 23, 2010 at 2:15 pm
FU,
They do hurt…and not just short-term, either. I wish more people would make the committment that you have. Just be on the look-out in the future and if you come across it, forget it! Taking up for friends is one thing, so long as we never stoop to the level of the one saying the hurtful things. I would take up for my friends all day long, as well. But when it’s just the same thing back and forth, eventually we must realize that the user of hurtful words has no morals or character and will never see your point of view.
Thank you for commenting.
Abby
May 22, 2010 at 10:30 am
I have spoken up about the cruel remarks said of my online friends but it has only fed the monsters to attack worse. Then, I see that these friends retalliate against their insultors so why should I bother? It just begins a never-ending back and forth. Soon enough I find myself not wanting to be a part of it. I’ve even told these friends when they weren’t being nice. I just don’t like rudeness on the blogs by anyone.
Am I fearful of being attacked or of having a legacy that besmirches my name? Not at all! God is my Avenger and He will allow it only so far. I trust He will take care of it. Dr. Laura is right, to assasinate one’s character is murder-even in the eyes of God (I believe she is Jewish?). I know I’m not perfect in this because I can’t stand to see someone attacked and I speak up-the trouble I get into is not with others but with myself for saying cruel things in retalliation. But, I try to keep from doing it by just ignoring comment lines on the blogs where I see a rude comment. I have a difficult time sitting on my hands!
Great article, Caylee’s friend! I hope you have nothing but a good online legacy for your children and grandchildren! 
May 22, 2010 at 10:02 am
I have a sister who, in high school, in order to fit into a certain ‘crowd’, started rumors about one girl she didn’t even know…saying this girl had said bad things about a girl in this elite group my sister wanted to belong to.
She pried her way into this group by way of ‘secret agent’…you know, being their ‘friend’ by ‘loyalty’.
She had absolutely nothing against the girl of whom she lied about to others. She was a means to an end.
My sister has borderline personality disorder. Perhaps the girl who tormented you in school had the same problem. Nothing against you personally, just something wrong with the other person.
It’s very sad that these things happen and there’s so much cowardice in the world.
Sophie,
I feel bad for both people that you’ve discussed–your sister with BPD and the other girl, as well.
When I was in my early 20s, my new husband’s cousin approached me and said most of what happened was her fault. Apparently, she didn’t like me for whatever reason so, in order to impress her, the girl I ended up fighting would say a lot things about me.
It still just baffles me as to why someone could do that to someone else. It’s just so cruel and I don’t think I could ever bring myself to do it. Maybe because I’ve been on the receiving end. It’s obvious that the girl had some kind of issues to be looking for praise from her friend in that manner.
Thank you for sharing your story. I let the reasons go a long time ago but I don’t think I’ll ever lose the feeling of guilt for having caused her to be humuliated like that. And to be honest, I think maybe that’s a good thing. It has kept me humbled and made me who I am today. I have also been a victim’s advocate for about 7 yrs and and although sometimes I may go about some things the wrong way, I always have the best of intentions for the victims. And I have also been played a fool along the way, as well!
Have a great night.
Abby (with another long-winded reply)
May 22, 2010 at 8:55 am
Interesting, thought provoking post.
Although there are different responses people have to internet misconduct, nothing seems to ultimately work. The internet has never been “safe” and I’m not sure how it can be made to be.
May 27, 2010 at 3:39 pm
Hi Everyone!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/211/justice-for-caylee
Please take a minute and sign this petition!
Comment by Wordslinger — May 27, 2010 @ 12:10 pm